My husband and I started trying a year after we were married. I had polycystic ovaries and a non-existant cycle and knew it might be difficult, but I never fathomed the reality.
We tried for three years on our own with no luck. Those years were more difficult than I can express. I dealt with a level of depression that only someone trying to conceive could ever relate to. We finally found a specialist that suggested not IVF but ,instead, "just" hormone injections (self administered) and "timed intercourse." For anyone who has ever struggled with getting pregnant, you know that the process of "trying" quickly goes from romantic and personal to a second job, and one that you dread. I always thought that term, "timed intercourse" epitomizes that evolution.
After three months of this regimen, I was a mess. Between the hormones (and the money) and the fear of failure, I couldn't think straight. So as the fourth month came along, it was not a surprise that when I got the ultrasound that told me whether the drugs were working and helping my eggs to mature, the news was not good. The Dr. told me not to even try the injections that month, since they were expensive and likely wouldn't work.
That night, however, I had a dream about a little baby boy with curly black hair and dark skin, and the next morning I felt a sense of peace I had never felt before. So I went ahead and did the injections and together my husband and I decided that no matter what, we would not be disappointed this time.
Fast forward a month later and I am in the bathroom at work, standing next to a co-worker and staring at a pink plus sign. I will never forget that moment, or the moment my husband came home and I showed that positive test to him. All the struggles, all worry and sadness just evaporated in that moment. No eggs could have matured that month...or 8 could have (thank goodness THAT scenario didn't play out) but one little egg made it. From that moment on I realized that God has a plan for my life, and though I may not know what it entails, HE DOES.
By the way, my son's hair, though curly, is blond. And we laugh about how light skinned he is. But I have NO doubt it was him in my dream. He IS my dream.
