Friends

Its hard sometimes, as parents, to not be family centered all the time.  Especially when your children are young.  Everything revolves around naps, runny noses, swim class, Tball, soccer, school, and family get togethers.  I have found that it has become more difficult for me to cultivate and maintain friendships.  Since my friends are all moms I know they don't blame me, and probably struggle as well, but it doesn't change the fact that I feel like MY life as a woman suffers somewhat because of it.

I have a friend who I have known for years...we played softball together as teenagers, went to junior college together, and even went on to EKU together, and were in the same sorority.  Our lives have continued to be woven together in some form or another through the years.  We were pregnant with our first at the same time, and gave birth only about 6 weeks apart.  She makes me laugh till I cry, and I just love her!

The very best part is that we are now great "couple" friends.  Nobody tells you that when you get married you will always be on the lookout for these kinds of friends.  You know the ones...where you and your spouse really enjoy and like BOTH people in the other duo.  It can sometimes be hard to find couples that each click with both you and your spouse.  But my friend and her hubby those kinds of friends.

We live in the same state (though about and hour apart now) and are always planning times to get together, but it rarely works out (read: runny noses, swim, family get togethers, etc) and so we only end up seeing each other probably 2-3 times a year.  Tonight is one of those nights.  We are meeting for dinner and bowling, and we are both more excited than such a night should warrant...probably because we never see each other, and don't get out without the kids much.  In fact, we realized that this will be the first time since we were pregnant that we got together "adults only"! I find this sort of tragic.

 While our kids are awesome, it is a struggle to have a full conversation when mommy duties are constantly calling.  So I vow to my friends to not talk (too much) about Logan tonight, to enjoy their company, and to be more vigilant in my friend duties, not only with her, but with all my wonderful friends, making more time for "adult only" outings.  We deserve them....I deserve them.  I need to remember that.

summer recipes

I am pretty much torturing myself right now, since I am on a new diet and I'm sitting here blogging about food I can't have, but I have been wanting to share this for a while.

I am always on the lookout for easy desserts that are fun for Logan and I to prepare together, and that won't require me to turn on the oven during the summer months.  I just found this idea that is ridiculous in its simplicity, and absolutely yummy!  They are mini ice cream sandwiches with a twist!

All you need is:

Vanilla ice cream
Ritz crackers
Dulce De Leche (I found mine in the Mexican food isle in a handy squeeze bottle)

Okay, now here is the hard part.  Put 5 crackers on a plate.  Scrape a spoonful of ice cream out and put it on the cracker, then squeeze about a tablespoon of Dulce De Leche on top and top with another cracker!  (the hard part is not eating each one immediately!)  I know it sounds kinda weird and too simple to be this good, but trust me.  Anyone who likes salted caramel will love these! The saltiness of the cracker with the ice cream is a great combo, and the kids will love making their own!

Busy Week

Its a tramatic mommy week here in my house.  My parents just bought a new 5th wheel and they are taking my baby up north for 5 days!  I am a wreck.  Don't get me wrong, he stays at their house all the time, and he isn't happy unless it's for 3 or 4 days.  However, I usually call and talk to him several times a day, and on this trip the cell service will be spotty at best. So I have been busy packing and praying.  I know he will have a blast, and that it is great for him to get to go fishing, but it will be the longest 5 days of my life! So I am praying for myself...that I will be able to enjoy the quiet time, and time alone with my husband, and that I won't worry too much.

Logan also had to get caught up on vaccinations today...and if you are a parent, that is all I have to say and you understand completely.  That little brave face, trying so hard not to cry.  It breaks my heart every time.

On top of everything else, my dear husband and I began a new diet this week.  Since I am an emotional eater, this was probably not the best time to start, but then again, when is it? I will be writing about it in the weeks to come (hopefully because I am shrinking and want to share my success) but for now, lets just say I am very cranky, and that I feel sorry for my spouse.  :) I am going to go hide in the closet and have a good cry now.

What I'm listening to...

I have been listening to this song by Delta Spirit pretty much non-stop the last week and wanted to share it with you.  It is supposedly taken from an old Irish poem, and I LOVE the words.  Here is a video of the song followed by the lyrics.  Take time to read the words.

May the wind be always at your back 
And the sun shine warm upon your face 
May the rains fall soft upon your field 
Until the day we meet again 

And the roof that hangs over your head 
Find you shelter from the storm 

Before the devil knows you're dead 
May you be in heaven, my friend 

May good luck find you at your worst 
And bad love lose you at your best 
May your days be rich and full of wealth 
And your nights be long when you need rest 

And the roof that hangs over your head 
Find you shelter from the storm 

Before the devil knows you're dead 
May you be in heaven, my friend 

And the road, may it rise to meet your feet 
And be downhill all the way to your door 
May the grass below be green and the sky above be blue 
May it be so forever more 

And the roof that hangs over your head 
Find you shelter from the storm 

Before the devil knows you're dead 
May you be in heaven, my friend

My sweet KJ

It is my niece Kaylee's birthday this weekend.  She is turning 20.  This makes me feel so ancient. I stared in the mirror for an hour counting wrinkles and grey hairs today. It was horrible.  Anyway...
  Kaylee was born when I was 15.  From the first time I held her I have considered her MY baby. When she was only a week old or so I remember sitting in my dad's lazy boy, holding and rocking her for hours while she slept in my arms.  My dad joked that my sister needed to be careful, because we were bonding.  But it turned out to be true.

 She and I have been close from the start.  More like sisters than Aunt/niece.  We have always been buddies.  I remember missing her terribly when I went to Kentucky for college, that I felt like I was going to miss out on so much.

This is pretty much what I left behind

And this is what I came home to (okay, not that drastic, but I DID miss a lot)

This is by far my favorite picture of Kaylee and me.  We went camping with my parents, who have an outfitters tent, and I will always remember KJ walking in, looking around, and asking me where the TV was. :) I always thought she was pretty adorable, but had no clue she would grow up to look like this...

Here she is with my baby.  This is my favorite picture of all time

 Couldn't this be a JCrew add?  Drop. Dead. Gorgeous.

It is amazing to me how stunning she grew up to be.  But the most wonderful, amazing part is that she is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She has grown up to be such a smart, responsible, compassionate woman who walks her own path and always has a smile on her face.  Everyone talks about the pride of parenthood, but I can't speak enough about how proud I am of this young woman.  I am so blessed to be such a big part of her life and I can't wait to see the next chapter.  Happy birthday KJ.

On a side note, Kaylee was 15 when Logan was born.  I think that is so neat, and I love to see the bond that has developed between them. What a gift he has been given!

One Family's Special Gift: An Organ Donation

I wanted to share this story with you.  It touches me in so many ways, partly because it is a story of a new mom dealing with heart failure. But it is so much more than that.  It is a story of charity in the midst of terrible tragedy, and of finding a way to go on.

Beauty Tips: Self Tanners

Even though I live in the land of eternal sunshine (and heat) I am always on the lookout for a good self tanner, partly because I figure I did enough damage playing softball in AZ for ten years without ever wearing sunscreen! I don't have the skill and patience needed for applying most self tanners, so I love finding easy-to-use options.

To that end, here is a link to some of the best and easiest self tanners on the market.  If you try any of these, I would love to hear what you think!

TOP PICKS FOR SUNLESS TANNERS

Random funny

I read this the other day and it made me laugh so I thought I would share.  I always appreciate quick wit and dry humor! (Sorry it's so small, I can't figure out how to save it bigger)

The Best, Worst Day of My Life: part IV

To be honest, after the Dr. left the room I had a full blown panic attack.  Not about the PPCM, but about not being able to have any more babies.  I know that sounds crazy, but I think that I was in full-on denial about the heart failure at that point. As the panic attack hit me, however, I quickly realized how my body was reacting, and it wasn't good.  I remember closing my eyes, so tired, but absolutely terrified to fall asleep.  I have never told anyone this, but in that moment, I felt sure I would not make it.  I was so tired, so weak, and I couldn't breathe. The only thing I could do was pray. Pray to God and beg him to not take me away from this little boy so new to the world. It broke my heart that he might never know who I was, might never remember the way I smell, or what my voice sounded like. And I know that everyone else was thinking the same thing, though none dared voice it. But I saw the fear in my husband's face, and my OB/GYN couldn't come into the room without my mom dragging him outside, demanding answers.  My oxygen level became the sole topic of conversation, especially at night, as the machine I was hooked to had an alarm that went off every time I fell asleep because I wasn't getting enough oxygen unless I consciously focused on my breathing.

It was a bleak couple of days. People were constantly coming in and out to visit me, including a family friend who brought me communion. I don't remember much else, since I was pretty out of it, but I remember the look of worry and pain on my husband's face as he spent his days alternating between being with me and going down to the maternity ward to see our son. In the beginning I was inconsolable, until the amazing nursing staff formed a plan and began pretty much sneaking the baby up to the ICU for 30 minutes at a time so I could feed and hold him  (I will NEVER forget that special gift they gave me).

(Logan and I in ICU)

With prayers, my family, and my baby lifting me up, I slowly began getting better.  The doctors were somewhat surprised about my turn around, and I was even able to go home on Christmas day!

I am happy to say that 4 years later, my EF is back up to 60% and I am considered fully recovered.  Even more importantly, new research suggests that subsequent pregnancies might be possible for women who fully recover.  It has been a long journey, full of questions about why this happened, and I don't know if my future will include another baby.  But I do know that I feel blessed to be around for my son, to see him growing up. And I know that no matter what, the Lord is watching over me.

The Best, Worst Day of My Life: part III

Yes, I was procrastinating again.  Please don't judge me.

I always thought the whole "my life flashed before my eyes" thing was a bunch of bunk. But as the nursing staff pushed their way into my room that day, I had a moment pretty much exactly like that.  Except the scenes that flashed in my mind weren't of the past.  They were of all the moments with my new baby that I had spent 9 months dreaming of, of watching my son grow up, graduate from college, get married...all the memories in the making that, until this moment, I had no doubt I would be around to witness.  I still didn't know what was happening, but I saw the serious looks on the faces around me, and I could almost feel my body failing.  I can't describe it any other way.  It wasn't pain, it just felt like everything was working too hard.

The staff wheeled several machines in and started monitoring my heart (though I didn't realize it). I don't know if they had informed my family about what was happening at this point, but I was thoroughly confused.  My favorite nurse briefly explained that they were going to move me to ICU because they did not have the equipment they would need to monitor me in the maternity ward, and with no other explanation, quickly did just that.  I remember thinking that it all had to be a dream, that the worrying was supposed to be over, that this was my time to enjoy being a new mom damn-it!!! All I could think about was seeing my precious little baby again and holding him and not letting go.

As they got my bed set up in the ICU room, and began to hook up monitors and get a new IV started, this young kid absently walked into my room. I will always remember this moment, though so much else is a blur.  He looked like a college freshman and had his head buried in my chart, not bothering to shake my hand or even make eye contact.  And then, in a voice that sounded like he was reading a menu, he said the words "Congestive Heart Failure".  Known as Peripartum Cardiomyopathy, it is basically heart failure brought on solely as a byproduct of pregnancy. He told me that while a normal heart (at my age) functions at around 60%, mine was currently functioning at around 20%.  Fluid was filling my lungs causing me to be short of breath, and if they couldn't stop everything I could be looking at a heart/lung transplant and even death. Oh and as a side note, even if I did recover, I would never be able to have any more babies. And then he walked out of the room.

The Best, Worst Day of My Life: part I

So, I have been putting off writing this post for several days.  I don't entirely know why, though part of the reason is that I feel like this story of mine is "all told out."  You see, for about a year after everything happened I feel like I spent most of my time telling people the story. Partly because everyone around me had heard bits and pieces and were curious and concerned. And partly because I was still trying to process it and, for me, talking about it helped.  (I am sure that those who were around me a lot got pretty sick and tired of hearing the story over and over as I told whoever hadn't yet heard, but they were always patient.)    :)

So, you see, I am tired of it, and telling it at this point mostly just makes it seem like a sob story.
However, recently I realized that my story is important.  I remembered that right after I got out of the hospital, I spent a lot of time online reading about what other women went through, and that those stories gave me hope and painted a MUCH brighter picture of my future than the doctors did. So I am going to share my journey again.  And I can only hope that, along with raising awareness, my story will give some other woman hope.  Because I am a PPCM survivor...

The Best, Worst Day of My Life: part II

I don't know if every pregnant woman feels this way, but I worried every day of my pregnancy.  I worried because it took 4 years to even get pregnant, and I felt a little like a jinx.  I stressed about everything I did...was this good for the baby?  Don't get me wrong, I LOVED being pregnant, but I had wanted it so badly for so long, I couldn't help but worry.

So when I got to see that little dimpled face for the first time as the Dr. held him over the sheet after my C-section, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief like nothing I had ever felt before.  Finally.  Finally I could relax, because I had this perfect baby and the waiting was over. It was all smooth sailing from now on, right?  So little did I know.

Let me back up a bit.  It was a fairly uneventful pregnancy.  I had pretty severe morning sickness and lost about 30 lbs before I ever gained, but after that felt great!  There was also a bout with kidney stones for which I had to be hospitalized about 2 weeks before I gave birth to Logan, but all in all....nothing bad, worrisome, dangerous happened. I did end up having a C-section, but even that went pretty much according to plan. Logan was born in the morning and by the afternoon I was actually feeling really good. Everything was like a dream. Here was my new baby boy, who was nursing like a champ. Despite the C-section, I was not in a lot of pain, and because section babies spend their first night in the nursery, I even got some sleep!  Now, what happened the next day is somewhat of a blur, to be honest, but I will try to write about it accurately.

 The next morning I was in the room with my baby and family, a bit tired but happy. The nurse came in and gave me the spiel about having to be able to use the restroom before I could go home. So I carefully got out of bed and she helped me to the restroom.  I suddenly began to feel dizzy, short of breath and lightheaded, but I automatically chalked it up to the pain from my incision. However, the nurse evidently saw something in my face she didn't like, because she immediately guided me back to bed and slapped a blood pressure cuff on me. She then proceeded to usher my extended family out of the room, while, at the same time, a group of about 6 doctors and nurses came rushing in. I remember panicking, not at the sight of all the staff, but because one nurse was telling me they were going to have to bottle feed my son, and not being able to tell her which formula I preferred because I had never even looked into anything other than breastfeeding. Then the baby was gone from the room, and I realized that something pretty serious was going on, and that I had absolutely no idea what it was.

Recipes to share

So one of my reasons for doing this blog is to share some of my favorite recipes with you. I like to think of myself as a foodie that is short on time and money! I LOVE trying new foods, but I just don't have the money to eat out all the time and, since I have a four year old, my choices of what to make at home are somewhat limited.  But I am always trying out new recipes when I get the chance, and I am going to share the good ones here with you!  And please, if you have a recipe you love, email me with it and I will be sure to post it.

I am always trying to think of good dishes to bring to parties, and this one is an instant hit!  Even people who don't think they like artichokes love this dip.  Try it the next time you have a pot luck!  I like to buy the round loaves of bread and take out the inside. Then I put the dip in and cut up the top and inside pieces and lay them around the bowl.  Yumm!!

Hot Olive and Artichoke Dip

•    1 can Artichoke Hearts (14 Oz. Can)                                10 whole Black Olives

•    8 ounces, weight Cream Cheese (1 Pack)                      1 cup (Real) Mayonnaise

•    whole Egg                                                                             ¼ cups Red Onion, Diced

•    ¼ cups Grated Parmesan Cheese                                   3 dashes Worcestershire Sauce

•    Salt and Pepper, to taste                                                   Cayenne Pepper (for Spice)

Combine all ingredients in the bowl of a food processor. Pulse 5 to 8 times untilmixture is combined but not totally liquefied. Stir and check seasonings, then pour into a small casserole dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 to 25 minutes, or until hot and bubbly.

Enjoy!

The 4th of July: The REAL Day for Thanksgiving.

I have been pondering the 4th of July holiday for the past several days.  Especially in comparison to Thanksgiving.  First let me say, I LOVE Thanksgiving.  I love the food and the vibe that this particular holiday brings.  I look forward to Thanksgiving every year come October. But to me, the meaning behind the holiday has become so muddled (Soooo, Columbus wasn't the first to set foot? ) that the whole "thankfulness" factor has been lost.  And that is ok, because to me, the 4th of July has always been the time when I reflect and am thankful.

I am thankful for our forefathers, who decided to risk their lives and start over with a free nation, one where people are free...free to choose their religion, free to speak their minds, free to live their lives without fear.  I mean, how awesome is that? I feel so blessed that I can worship my God without fear.
I am also thankful to the men and women who have repeatedly fought and died so that those freedoms stay in tact.  This is the most wonderful nation in the world, and it is because people have sacrificed their lives over and over to protect us from the ones who would see it fall.

I am so proud to be an american, and I am so thankful for what that means for me.  I have a roof over my head, food on the table every day, and I am a woman with a college education that has a say in my life.  All of these things could have been very different for me if I had been born somewhere else.

So thank you...thank you for all of the ones who came before me, who saw how special this country is and knew that it was worth sacrificing everything for. And thank you to the ones still making the sacrifice.

An alternative to the usual Fourth of July fare!

It's the 4th of July weekend, which means get togethers, BBQ's and tons of food!  It is easy to get stuck in the "4th of July" rut, another year of hotdogs and hamburgers, because it satisfies even the picky eaters (kids) in the family, and it is easy.

So then why not spice up the side dishes/appetizers this year?? It is a great way to get in some fun and unique menu items without turning away the culinary novices.  :)

Most people don't necessarily think of putting nachos on the holiday menu, but they are a great, easy, inexpensive side dish that work well with the casualness of the 4th of July! You can even buy the basic ingredients and then make a couple different varieties to set out, and it is much more exciting then just the plain old chips and dip.

Here are some nacho ideas I got out of the food network magazine that  I think would be great:

Margarita shrimp:

1/2 lb shrimp marinated in margarita mix and a little cayenne then grilled
Top tortilla chips with 1 1/2 cups ea. of shredded cheddar and muenster and bake.
Add shrimp, diced onion, diced tomato and avocado


Cajun:

Top chips with 3 cups  shredded cheddar, 1lb. cooked diced andouille sausage and 1 cup each of diced pepper, celery and onion.
Bake and top with salsa and pickled jalapenos.

How about  dessert nachos??

S'more:
Top graham crackers with marshmallow fluff.  Bake and top with hot fudge.


The possibilities are really never ending, and everyone will love the unique addition to your holiday BBQ!